THE TREASURE HUNT

Yes. It is 8:18pm and I should be up vacuuming and mopping my eldest daughter's bedroom for her before her return, but I had to blog quickly.

I am notorious for spinning around in the middle of traffic to grab whatever may be in the middle of the road. It may be a rusty nail that needs to be thrown aside, a screwdriver, a bungee strap, a flashlight, a deer (yes, I'm sorry Jenn - a deer), or a turtle (OH!!! THAT POOR TURTLE DIDN'T MAKE IT EITHER!!!) I once even stopped and picked up a beaver that was dead on the side of the road, but in great shape. I took it to the DNR and then to the local taxidermist to have it stuffed for my parent's cabin. (It was said to be the largest recorded in the area's history at 84 lbs!)

Tonight it was a pair of sunglasses. I spun around through a gas station and maneuvered my way along until I reached them. Oakley!, I imagined! They were so shiny and pretty looking! Until I reached them that is. As I parked on the side of the road and darted across the highway, I was to discover that they were simply a cheap pair of scratched up shades with one arm missing. I picked them up and threw them in the car anyway. (I figured I might as well save the environment and throw them away.)

"Were they junk?", my mom asked as I called her back (because, of course, I was on the phone when I made my discovery and had to hang up quickly. This was not a first.)

"Yes! They are scratched with one arm missing! I risked my life for this!" I exclaimed.

So to all of you out there that are losing things: Could you PLEASE make sure whatever you lose is in good shape?!?

It is NOT easy work being me!

ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL DAY

I woke up to blue skies and sunshine this morning. What an incredible day!

I made it to my appointment on time, visited with a hygienist that always makes me feel good about the day, had a message on my voicemail from Lance, came home to have a rewarding conversation with my dear friend B in South Carolina, and then received this from my sister!!

I foresee this day to be a great one!

Time passes
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Hearts break.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.
BUT - Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you.
A girlfriend is never farther away than you need her.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you, or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, sisters, sisters-in-laws, mothers, grandmothers, nieces, cousins and extended family all bless our life.
When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead, nor did we know how much we would need each other.
Every day, we need each other still.

Thank you to all of my supporters...

HAPPY BUT LOST AGAIN

I've had a lot of time to do things lately. Waste time really. Every minute seems to drag without our girls.

I know I'm going through a state of depression. When you enter our home and the windows are not washed and both of the girls' rooms are a disaster, after a week and a half of them being gone, you know something is not okay with me.

We watched Star Wars: Phantom Menace last night. Lance and I have made a pack to watch the entire series together. This is the one that I never watched. I have to admit I was reluctant, but I really enjoyed it! I'm excited about our idea!

He's away on business tonight and as I sit here completely alone (minus the dog and cat), it's difficult not to rush out and rent Star Wars II. This was the first drive-in movie I ever watched. It was amazing! (smile) It's fun to remember our childhood...

I've also started a new book, "Welcome To My World... Where English Is Sometomes Spoken" So far, not so good. But we'll wait and see. It's supposed to be funny.

I'm having a hard time thinking and focusing today too. No. It is not medical. (I had a lab work-up and doctor appointment yesterday and all is well. PLUS! We spent the night and day with the girls!)

I have to keep telling myself that I have to be at the dentist at 8 a.m. tomorrow, I showed up a half hour late for work today, and am still fearful I may forget my appointment!

This has to get better!!!

Until the morning light....

ACHING NEED

I'M STRANGLING. I'M CHOKING. I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN BREATHE! I MISS MY GIRLS SO MUCH IT CHOKES ME!

THE MAC AND CHEESE IS ON THE STOVE TOP. WHY? BECAUSE THEY LIKE MAC AND CHEESE. THEY WON'T BE HERE TO EAT IT, BUT LANCE AND I WILL. IT MAKES ME ACHE EVEN MORE BUT AT LEAST IT BRINGS THEM A LITTLE BIT CLOSER TO ME. I LOVE THEM SO!

THEY COULDN'T GO SWIMMING WITH MY MOM TODAY. WHY? IT'S 95 DEGREES THERE AT 3:30. YOU ARE NOT LEAVING FOR YOUR DESTINATION UNTIL LATER. IT'S 5:38 NOW AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T LEFT! THEY'RE CHILDREN! THEY COULD HAVE BEEN BACK BY NOW!

I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU FOR NOT LETTING MY GIRLS BE CHILDREN! I HATE MY DECISION! I HATE YOU. I KNOW THAT IS STRONG LANGUAGE, BUT SOMETIMES I DO. I WANT TO LOVE YOU BUT YOU WON'T LET ME. YOU WON'T ALLOW IT. IF YOU CAN'T TREAT MY MOM AND MY CHILDREN WITH RESPECT, THEN I DO - I HATE YOU. I'M SORRY. I AM.

I WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN. NOT WITHOUT A COURT ORDER. I'M TOO NICE. MAYBE THIS WAS FAIR BUT I DON'T CARE. LET'S TALK FAIR...

I LOVE YOU MY BABIES. MOMMY LOVES YOU.

FATHER'S DAY

THIS IS THE FACE OF THE FIRST MAN THAT I EVER LOVED. THIS - IS MY DAD.



THE WIND IS BLOWING LIGHTLY. I CAN FEEL THE BREEZE AS MY HAIR GENTLY SWEEPS ACROSS MY FACE.

THE HOSE IS RUNNING AND DAD IS OUTSIDE, ALWAYS OUTSIDE DOING SOMETHING. MAYBE HE'S WASHING HIS TRUCK AND I CAN HELP! HE ALWAYS LET'S ME HELP! I AM A CHILD AGAIN.

THE LAWN IS SO LUSH AND GREEN...

I FEEL AMAZING! SO YOUNG! SO AT PEACE! SO HAPPY! THIS IS TRANQUILITY. THIS IS CHILDHOOD!

ALWAYS SAFE. ALWAYS!

"THERE IS NO LOVE MORE ANGELIC THAN THE LOVE OF A FATHER AND A DAUGHTER."

A DAUGHTER'S LOVE

IT WAS OUR LAST NIGHT TOGETHER, FOR WHAT SEEMS TO BE QUITE SOME TIME. MY LITTLE ONE WANTED SO BADLY TO SLEEP NEXT TO ME BUT KNEW IT WAS HER SISTER'S TURN. (LANCE HAD TO WORK AN OVERNIGHT.) I LAID IN BED THAT NIGHT READING, MY BEAUTY WATCHING THE BASKETBALL FINALS IN THE LIVING ROOM, AND MY LITTLE ONE ON THE FLOOR NEXT TO ME. (SHE DIDN'T WANT TO INVADE HER SISTER'S SPACE BUT ALSO WANTED TO BE CLOSE TO ME. SO, SHE HAD BUILT A BED ON THE FLOOR FOR HERSELF.) I HEARD A "SNIP SNIP" BEHIND ME AS I WAS READING AND THOUGHT THAT IT WAS JUST HER SCISSORS. (SHE'S ALWAYS BUSY!) ABOUT 10 MINUTES LATER SHE HANDED ME AN "END OF THE DAY" BIRTHDAY CARD SHE HAD JUST MADE...

"DEAR MOMMY,

I HOPE U HAD A WONDERFUL B-DAY!
I HOPE U LIKED EVERYTHING, YOU ARE 36 NOW!
REMEMBER U ARE A WONDERFUL PESON AND WE LOVE U

LOTS OF "HEART"

HAVE A WONDERFUL 36 YEARS OF LIFE!"

WOW! TEARS GENTLY CAME TO MY EYES. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL CHILD!

AT THAT POINT, SHE BOUNCED UP THE STAIRS, RETURNING WITH SOMETHING SHE HAD SPENT 4 DAYS MAKING IN SCHOOL FOR ME! 4 DAYS! APOLOGIZING THE WHOLE TIME FOR NOT BRINGING IT HOME SOONER. (ALL THIS CHILD EVER ASKS OF ME IS TO CHANGE THE LIGHT BULB ON THE CEILING IN HER ROOM AND FIX HER BLINDS.) 4 DAYS SHE SPENT MAKING THIS AND I NEVER ONCE WENT UP TO DO EITHER OF THOSE THINGS! AM I BUSY? YES! BUT NOT SO BUSY THAT I COULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT! WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?

WHAT SHE HANDED ME WAS A BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF NOTEBOOK PAPER, VERY CAREFULLY COVERED IN BRILLIANT COLORS. THE ENTIRE PAGE! "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! I LUV U!" IT READ.

THESE ARE THE MOMENTS WE CHERISH AS MOTHERS AND I HOPE THESE ARE THE DAYS WE REMEMBER ALWAYS.

I WILL NEVER LET HER GO! NEVER LET MY LOVE FAIL HER!

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, K!

MOMMY

CALMNESS

SO MANY THINGS HAVE BEEN HAPPENING LATELY.

I'VE HAD A LOT OF TIME TO REFLECT ON LOSSES, WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE ALONE, HOW THANKFUL I AM NOT TO BE, AND HOW OFTEN I WISH I HAD TIME TO JUST REALLY BLOG THINGS LIKE THIS WITHOUT BEING RUSHED.

A FRIEND OF MINE PAST AWAY ON A MOTORCYCLE LAST WEEK. THIS IS THE THIRD IN OUR GROUP OF FRIENDS. ONE WAS HEADED SOUTH, ONE WEST, AND THE LAST NORTH. IT CONCERNS ME THAT WE MAY HAVE A PATTERN HERE. ALL OF THEM SUCH HAPPY PEOPLE - LEADERS. MAYBE PEOPLE ARE RIGHT. MAYBE GOD IS FORMING HIS ARMY.

IT'S SAD THOUGH FOR THOSE LEFT BEHIND. I LAID IN BED THAT NIGHT AFTER THE MEMORIAL SERVICE AND THOUGHT HOW HER HUSBAND PROBABLY WASN'T SLEEPING, MAYBE DURING THE DAY. HOW EMPTY HIS WORLD WAS. I CUDDLED WITH LANCE AND PRAYED. THANKING HIM FOR BLESSING ME. THANKING HIM FOR THE GIRLS AND I NO LONGER BEING ALONE. FOR LANCE AND I HAVING EACH OTHER.

MY MOTHER CALLED THAT DAY AND ASKED IF I WANTED HER TO GO WITH ME. I HAD DECLINED HER OFFER, BUT ON THE WAY THERE I WONDERED WHY. WHY I HAD ALSO DECLINED LANCE'S OFFER AND WHY I FELT THE NEED TO DO THESE THINGS ON MY OWN.

I HAVE POSTED BEFORE ABOUT NOT WANTING TO EXPOSE LANCE TO THE DARKNESS AND I TRULY BELIEVE THAT IS WHAT IT IS. I, UNFORTUNATELY, HAVE GOTTEN USED TO ATTENDING THESE THINGS. I CAN FIND THE LIGHT THERE. I CAN SEE THE SMILES AND THE GOODNESS THROUGH ALL OF THE TEARS. I KNOW THAT THERE IS A LIGHT. I KNOW LIFE WILL GO ON AND GET BETTER AND IF IT WERE TO END, WELL, THEN I BELIEVE THERE IS MORE HAPPINESS WAITING FOR US THAN WE COULD EVER IMAGINE!

I REMEMBER YOU P, L, AND M AND I LOVE ALL OF YOU.

GOD SPEED.

HEY!

OKAY ALL MY LITTLE READERS!

WHY IS IT THAT I TALK TO PEOPLE AND THEY ASK WHO THIS IS AND WHAT'S THAT, BUT I HAVE ONLY 1 OR 2 PEOPLE COMMENTING??

COME ON ALL! MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL. GIVE ME A COMMENT....

THANK YOU!!!!