Lance has pulled away to begin a new adventure in a new town. The girls and I must stay behind due to school and the house.
The ache in my chest is almost unbearable. It feels difficult to breathe. His coffee cup sat solo in the sink empty. I HAD to get rid of it! I put it in the dishwasher immediately.
Even the dog feels the good-bye; as she lays on her love seat, head down, sad.
I know this is not permanent. I know we will be joining him. We don't know if we will see him this week, this weekend, or next. That is the hard part.
And he doesn't have a place to stay Until December 1. The insecurity that this brings is intense. Money isn't exactly growing on trees for us, so staying in a hotel for 5 nights is a burden, but I know God will take care of us. In fact, since I have been typing the phone has rang offering me hours next week and the following at one of the schools. I love working with the children and this phone call is rare. Normally they call the day a sub is needed. So thank you again Lord.
It is a beautiful fall day. The temperature is warm enough to keep the roads dry for Lance and our faith strong.
My God, continue to guide and bless us and keep our hearts warm through the distance.
Therefore do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?"
"What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?"
For after all these things the Gentiles seek.
For your heavenly Father knows that you need these things.
Matthew 6:31-32
Monday, November 26, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Dalai Lama
I am SO intrigued right now!
I need to know more! I'm like a child in a new home! I want to examine every closet, every room!
Are there books you can recommend? Something that is not "dry" for this westerner. (My sister-in-law recommended The Wisdom of Forgiveness.)
Is there a movie?
Please help! and Thank you!!!
I need to know more! I'm like a child in a new home! I want to examine every closet, every room!
Are there books you can recommend? Something that is not "dry" for this westerner. (My sister-in-law recommended The Wisdom of Forgiveness.)
Is there a movie?
Please help! and Thank you!!!
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
A Parents Agony
My music is playing in the background, Ellie is running around so happy I can hear her heart beating. The morning is cold and brisk and beautiful.
Peanuts oral procedure went well and is finally over.
It was so hard on her and as a parent I don't think I can go through it again. She was such a trooper but looked over at me as if to say, "Mumma, please don't let them hurt me. Please! I don't want to be here! Please!!! Tell them to stop!!!"
I knelt next to her holding her hand, my other on her little shoulder, begging God to let it be over, forcing my own tears of pain not to drip. "Please God please! I will never make her go through this again! Never! No matter what that orthodontist tells us! Never will my poor little baby sit in a chair and go through this again!"
The tears. The pain. The mental ache. Never again.
I'm so sorry Peanut.
Peanuts oral procedure went well and is finally over.
It was so hard on her and as a parent I don't think I can go through it again. She was such a trooper but looked over at me as if to say, "Mumma, please don't let them hurt me. Please! I don't want to be here! Please!!! Tell them to stop!!!"
I knelt next to her holding her hand, my other on her little shoulder, begging God to let it be over, forcing my own tears of pain not to drip. "Please God please! I will never make her go through this again! Never! No matter what that orthodontist tells us! Never will my poor little baby sit in a chair and go through this again!"
The tears. The pain. The mental ache. Never again.
I'm so sorry Peanut.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Our New Protection
I'm sorry. I couldn't help but blog this. I lmoa! Enjoy!
Not too long ago, I saw something at the gun shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 10th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety. Needless to say, this was way too cool.
To cut a long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the thing and pushed the button. I was so disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time I'd get a blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to my wife what that burn spot is on the face of her LG convection oven.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? YAH....
There I sat in my recliner, my cat looking on intently, the trusting little soul, while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Kitty for a fraction of a second, but thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat and, as most of you already know, hell hath no fury like a cat pissed off. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and my Blue Bulls supporter jersey, with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries thinking to myself "no flippin' way!" What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
I'm sitting there alone, the cat looking on with her head tilted to one side as if to say, "don't do it, you stupid man," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thingy couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!!!, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION, CRAP ON A STICK!!!
I'm pretty sure THE BLUE BULLS TEAM ran in through the side door, picked me up, body slammed me on the carpet over and over and over again and then slammed the recliner over my head as a just for fun. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, smelling like pee, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and pins and needles in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, do it again you stupid ass!"
Please take this from the voice of experience - there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself!!!! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! Three second burst would be considered conservative. A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent and forlorn reading glasses were hanging miserably on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and judging by how my jaw hung listlessly, my bottom lip must have weighed 88 lbs. By the way, at this point my testicles, feeling like they withdrew nto my body somewhere around my rib cage, are still waiting for the all clear signal to emerge from the bomb shelter. I felt like I should offer a significant reward for their safe return. Even now, I experience shrinkage when I plug anything into the socket.
I think Robot and I found the girls' and my defense!
Not too long ago, I saw something at the gun shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 10th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety. Needless to say, this was way too cool.
To cut a long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the thing and pushed the button. I was so disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time I'd get a blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to my wife what that burn spot is on the face of her LG convection oven.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? YAH....
There I sat in my recliner, my cat looking on intently, the trusting little soul, while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Kitty for a fraction of a second, but thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat and, as most of you already know, hell hath no fury like a cat pissed off. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and my Blue Bulls supporter jersey, with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries thinking to myself "no flippin' way!" What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
I'm sitting there alone, the cat looking on with her head tilted to one side as if to say, "don't do it, you stupid man," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thingy couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!!!, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION, CRAP ON A STICK!!!
I'm pretty sure THE BLUE BULLS TEAM ran in through the side door, picked me up, body slammed me on the carpet over and over and over again and then slammed the recliner over my head as a just for fun. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, smelling like pee, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and pins and needles in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, do it again you stupid ass!"
Please take this from the voice of experience - there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself!!!! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! Three second burst would be considered conservative. A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent and forlorn reading glasses were hanging miserably on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and judging by how my jaw hung listlessly, my bottom lip must have weighed 88 lbs. By the way, at this point my testicles, feeling like they withdrew nto my body somewhere around my rib cage, are still waiting for the all clear signal to emerge from the bomb shelter. I felt like I should offer a significant reward for their safe return. Even now, I experience shrinkage when I plug anything into the socket.
I think Robot and I found the girls' and my defense!
Friday, November 02, 2007
Reporting For Becc
Something to listen to as you read:
Wow! I can't believe it has been that long since Becc has blogged!
I'm sorry. She is out today so I will be blogging for her.
You see, she was laid off from her job on October 25th & her husband received a transfer to another city on October 27th (they just moved here in January). So, she is out job searching again and their home is up for sale by owner.
Call her selfish. Call her depressed. But I do not think she wants to do this again. It's like she is me, a robot, with a fake smile on her face trying to pretend that everything is okay. Don't get me wrong, this is a decision that they made together - they always do, but this time is different. For some reason she is not comfortable with it. Maybe it's the girls, maybe it's the anxiety of opening up their lives to others and letting them into their sanctuary. Maybe it's being alone again. I don't know.
But I want to scream for her,"Who is this for?!?" "Why are you doing this?" "She doesn't want to shovel snow and snow blow and take care of this house and the girls by herself, for God only knows how long!" "I don't want to have to protect us from that wacko across the street and the scary one next door! God knows Becc doesn't have the strength either!" "Who is going to protect them when a man comes to the door after dark or they have to go around the side of the garage to get in the truck at night?" "Who will hug her and tell her how amazing she is when she needs it the most, without her saying a word?"
I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what this is doing to her emotionally this time.
I can see that she misses him already.
As I read this, I want to slap myself. "Straightened up! My God! Get a grip on yourself! She can do it! She always does! She'll throw her shoulders back. Pick her head up and get to her damn interview, like she knows she has to!"
Pray for her folks.
Wow! I can't believe it has been that long since Becc has blogged!
I'm sorry. She is out today so I will be blogging for her.
You see, she was laid off from her job on October 25th & her husband received a transfer to another city on October 27th (they just moved here in January). So, she is out job searching again and their home is up for sale by owner.
Call her selfish. Call her depressed. But I do not think she wants to do this again. It's like she is me, a robot, with a fake smile on her face trying to pretend that everything is okay. Don't get me wrong, this is a decision that they made together - they always do, but this time is different. For some reason she is not comfortable with it. Maybe it's the girls, maybe it's the anxiety of opening up their lives to others and letting them into their sanctuary. Maybe it's being alone again. I don't know.
But I want to scream for her,"Who is this for?!?" "Why are you doing this?" "She doesn't want to shovel snow and snow blow and take care of this house and the girls by herself, for God only knows how long!" "I don't want to have to protect us from that wacko across the street and the scary one next door! God knows Becc doesn't have the strength either!" "Who is going to protect them when a man comes to the door after dark or they have to go around the side of the garage to get in the truck at night?" "Who will hug her and tell her how amazing she is when she needs it the most, without her saying a word?"
I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what this is doing to her emotionally this time.
I can see that she misses him already.
As I read this, I want to slap myself. "Straightened up! My God! Get a grip on yourself! She can do it! She always does! She'll throw her shoulders back. Pick her head up and get to her damn interview, like she knows she has to!"
Pray for her folks.
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