MY KING

WOW!

WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE IN LOVE!!!!! WHAT AN AMAZING FEELING!!!! THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS WORLD THAT MAKES ME FEEL THIS WARM AND SECURE!

DO I FEEL GUILTY? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I HAVE PRAYED AND PRAYED AND PRAYED AND THIS IS GOOD. THIS IS REALLY REALLY GOOD! I DESERVE THIS, I WANT THIS, AND EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS JUST FEELS NATURAL AND RIGHT.

I AM TRYING TO LEARN FROM MY PAST REGRETS. GIVE, GIVE, AND GIVE SOME MORE, BECAUSE EVERY DAY COUNTS. NO INSANE WORD CAN EVER BE TAKEN BACK. DO NOT HURT. DO NOT BE SELFISH. LET THE MAN LIVE. LIVE AND BE STRONG AND TAKE EVERYTHING THAT HE HAS TO GIVE TO YOU. MAINLY - HIMSELF AND ALL OF HIS LOVE AND EVERYTHING ELSE WILL FALL INTO PLACE.

I LOVE THIS MAN. I TRULY LOVE THIS MAN.

I HAVE A PICTURE IN MY MIND OF HIM, AT THE TOP OF A MOUNTAIN. COULD HE BE MY KING? LAUGH)))

I BELIEVE HE IS...

JUDGEMENT DAY

WELL, MY TWO WEEKS UNTIL COMPLETION HAS BEGAN.

HOW DO I FEEL? STRESSED, TIRED, BETRAYED... DEFINATELY BETRAYED. THERE WERE ONLY 3 PEOPLE THAT I CONSIDERED CONFIDANTS HERE AND ONE OF THEM BETRAYED ME. YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL WHICH ONE IT IS... THEY CAN'T SEEM TO LOOK YOU IN THE FACE OR SMILE. I THINK IT'S A SENSE OF EMBARRASSMENT, MAYBE FROM BEING ASHAMED OF YOURSELF AND THAT PERSON SHOULD BE. IN THIS CASE, GOOD FOR ME. GOOD FOR ME BEING "HONEST TO A FAULT" AND FINDING MY WAY OUT THE DOOR. YOU, MY FRIEND, ARE STILL STUCK AT THAT DESK THAT YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT DAILY, WORKING WITH ANOTHER THAT GETS EVERYTHING YOU WANT AND DESERVE BUT DO NOT RECEIVE, AND FINDING NO GRATITUDE FROM YOUR PEERS.

I WILL FIND MY WAY. I HAVE A HUGE SUPPORT GROUP (TAKE A LOOK AT THE PICTURE). NOT ONE OF THEM WILL BETRAY ME, NOT ONE WILL BELIEVE ME TO BE "HONEST TO A FAULT". MY PARENTS ARE PROUD OF THE WAY THEY RAISED ME. I HAVE A MAN AND A BEST FRIEND THAT WILL CONTINUE TO STAND BESIDE ME AND GIVE ME THAT LITTLE KNUDGE THAT I NEED AND ESPECIALLY THAT HUG.

SO AS I LEAVE AND START MY NEW ADVENTURE, KNOWING I HAVE SUCH INTEGRITY AND HONESTY IN ME, KNOW "THE BIG GUY UPSTAIRS" WILL REWARD ME FOR MY KIND BEHAVIOR AND I WILL NOT JUDGE BECAUSE THAT TOO SHALL COME LATER.

CONTINUATION

HEY! OKAY. MAYBE I WASN'T AS PREPARE FOR THIS CHANGE AS I THOUGHT I WAS. MAYBE I AM. I REALLY DON'T KNOW. I WAS TOLD MY POSITION WAS BEING ELIMINATED AT 9AM, I PUT MY FIRST RESUME IN AT 11AM ELSEWHERE, GOT THE JOB BY 1130AM, HAD LUNCH WITH MY LOVE AT NOON, AND BACK ANSWERING PHONES BY 1230PM. I CAN COVER MY MORTGAGE FOR 3 MONTHS, HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE FOR AWHILE, UNEMPLOYMENT IF NEEDED, BUT PROBABLY WILL NEVER USE, AND OTHER RESUMES GOING OUT. I THINK IT ALL LOOKS PRETTY GOOD. ONCE AGAIN, THE SUN IS SHINING. IT'S ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL DAY OUT THERE AND LIFE IS STILL WONDERFUL. THANK YOU LORD. THANK YOU FOR YOUR GUIDANCE, LOVE, AND CONTINUED SUPPORT...

PRIDE

WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY! THE COLORS ARE IN FULL DISPLAY AND WE HAVE A BEAUTIFUL FALL BREEZE... LAST NIGHT AT MY 7TH GRADER'S GAME THEY LOST FOR THE FIRST TIME. HOW PROUD I WAS OF HER, AS I SAT THERE AFTER THE GAME AND JUST HELD HER FROM THE SIDE. SHE WAS EXPERIENCING THE AGONY OF DEFEAT. I FELT SO SORRY FOR HER, BUT AT THE SAME TIME I COULDN'T HELP BUT HUG HER AND FEEL SO PROUD. "YOU PLAYED YOUR HEART OUT BABY. YOU SHOULD BE SO PROUD OF YOURSELF!" HER EYES RED AND HER POSTURE SLOUTCHED... SHE JUST LOOKED WHIPPED. THIS MORNING AT WORK I TOLD A FELLOW EMPLOYEE HOW GREAT I THINK MY GIRLS ARE. I TELL MY LITTLE ONE THAT I LOVE HER OR TO HAVE A GREAT DAY AND IN HER SWEET LITTLE VOICE I GET A "THANK YOU." JUST SO GROWN UP. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM! EVERYONE THAT KNOWS ME AND KNOWS OF THE DIFFICULTIES I HAVE HAD WITH MY PREGNANCIES DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I WOULD EVER CONSIDER IT AGAIN. THIS IS WHY! TO FEEL THE BABY INSIDE OF YOU, TO SEE THE MAN THAT YOU LOVE SO IN LOVE WITH THIS UNBORN BEING, TALKING TO HIM OR HER AND PLANNING FOR THAT LITTLE PERSONS FUTURE, FEELING THE LOVE AND PRIDE THAT I FELT LAST NIGHT, THAT I FEEL EVERY TIME I SEE MY BABIES SLEEPING OR DOING SOMETHING THAT THEY FEEL SO PROUD OF! THIS IS WHY I CONSIDER IT. THIS IS WHAT I WANT FOR HIM. DO I KNOW THE CONSEQUENCES? DOES HE UNDERSTAND THEM? IF I DO THIS, DO I KNOW THE OUTCOME? NO. NO, I DON'T. BUT I AM WILLING TO TAKE THE CHANCE AND LEAVE IT IN GOD'S HANDS. HOW COULD SOMETHING SO BEAUTIFUL BE DENIED?

A NEW JOURNEY

ON A DAY LIKE TODAY, ONE JUST HAS TO TAKE A LONG WALK OUTSIDE. IT'S BEAUTIFUL AND WARM AND THE SUN IS SHINING. AS I AM WALKING ALONG THE PATH I HAVE TAKEN THE TIME TODAY TO SMELL THE FLOWERS, ENJOY THE BEAUTY OF ALL OF THE CRITTERS THAT I HAVE MET ALONG THE WAY, AND TRULY ENJOYED MY JOURNEY.

RELATIONSHIPS HAVE COME AND GONE AND I ALWAYS HOPE FOR A HAPPY ENDING, WHERE IN THE END WE CAN ALL BE FRIENDS OR AT LEAST SPEAK WELL OF ONE ANOTHER, BUT IN THE CASE OF THIS PAST RELATIONSHIP THAT WILL NOT BE THE CASE. I'M OKAY WITH THAT.

I TOOK A WALK TO THE "WOOD SHED" TODAY WITH THE OWNER OF OUR COMPANY. I FELT GOOD WHEN IT WAS ALL OVER. AN HOUR LATER, I CAME OUT FEELING - OKAY. LIKE WE HAD COME TO AN UNDERSTANDING THAT MY JOURNEY HERE HAS ALSO ENDED, BUT I'M OKAY WITH THAT AS WELL. I HAVE LEARNED ALOT. ALOT ABOUT BEING EMPLOYED BY ANOTHER, ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE, ABOUT THIS NEW TRADE I CHOSE TO ENTER, AND MOST OF ALL ABOUT MYSELF. IT'LL BE OKAY AND I KNOW THAT IT WILL AND I AM TRULY LOOKING FORWARD TO TAKING MY NEXT BIG STEP OFF THE EDGE AND INTO THE OPEN AIR. I FEEL CONFIDENT THAT I WILL LAND ON A SOLID SHELF AND ENJOY MY NEXT STROLL ON A NEW GREEN GRASSY PLAIN.

MY CHILDREN ARE WELL AND MY HEART AND ARMS WILL BE FILLED BY THE MAN I CARE FOR SO DEEPLY TONIGHT.

IN THE END, ALL IS WELL THAT ENDS WELL AND THIS SHALL...