FOR CLARITY, I AM NOT GIVING GRADITUDE TO ANOTHER FOR WHAT I WAS ABLE TO DO THROUGH MY OWN STRENGTH. I BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE HURT OTHERS WHEN THEY ARE HURTING. I AM NOT GIVING ANY TYPE OF APPROVAL FOR SUCH BEHAVIOR AND CHOOSE TO NOT BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE.
MY LIFE IS GREAT RIGHT NOW. ONCE AGAIN, VERY RARELY WILL I LET DARKNESS IN. WHEN YOU LET THE LIGHT IN YOU ARE ENLIGHTENED TO THE LOVE THAT SURROUNDS YOU. THE PURITY THAT WE WERE BORN WITH. IT IS ALL AROUND US.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Thursday, January 04, 2007
REVIVIFICATION
IN THE DARKNESS OF THE NIGHT, AS I LAID AND HELD MY BIG STUFFED BUNNY SO TIGHT, I NEVER WOULD HAVE IMAGINED THAT I WOULD ONE DAY FIND TRUE LOVE AGAIN. I SO LONGED TO BE ABLE TO SMELL HIM, TO TOUCH HIM. THESE ARE THOUGHTS THAT EVEN NOW I DO NOT LET MY MIND COME CLOSE TO. I HAVE BEEN ASKED A HUNDRED TIMES, "ARE YOU OVER HIM?" MY ANSWER,"NO. AND I NEVER WILL BE. PLEASE DON'T ASK ME TO BE. HE WAS WONDERFUL. HE WAS KIND. HE WAS MY ROCK. IT'S NOT FAIR OF YOU TO ASK ME TO BE. IT DOESN'T CHANGE THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU OR TODAY OR THIS LIFE, BUT HE IS A PART OF ME AND ALWAYS WILL BE."
THAT IS WHAT I WANTED TO SAY A THOUSAND TIMES OVER, BUT DIDN'T. NOT UNTIL LANCE.
I'M NOT READY TO GO THERE, TO TALK OF LANCE, NOT YET. THESE OTHER THOUGHTS CAN BE DARK AND WHEN I SEE HIM. I SEE WHITE. PURITY. NEVER WILL I LET THE DARKNESS REACH HIM.
HIS, MY LOST MAN'S, FAMILY COMPLETELY OSTRACIZED ME. I HAD GREAT DIFFICULTY WITH THAT. I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY AND STILL DON'T, AND FOR A LONG TIME I THOUGHT IT WAS HORRIBLE, BUT I DON'T ANYMORE. NOW, I SAY THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME TO HEAL SO MUCH FASTER. THANK YOU FOR SHOWING ME THAT I AM A GOOD, HONEST PERSON. A PERSON TO BE RESPECTED AND LOVED. (THIS IS WHY P LOVED ME.) A PERSON THAT WHEN FACED WITH "THE CENTERPOINT" "THE TIME OF CHOOSING" I WILL CHOOSE THE RIGHT ROAD, THE GOOD ROAD. I WILL CHOOSE TO SURRROUND MYSELF AND MY GIRLS WITH THE GOOD PEOPLE. THE PEOPLE THAT LOVE AND RESPECT US AND WILL DO ANYTHING TO HELP US, WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN. IT IS THESE PEOPLE THAT WILL SMILE AND WISH ME WELL, SAY A SMALL PRAYER FOR THE GIRLS AND I AND KNOW THAT IT IS TIME FOR US TO MOVE ON. THAT THIS IS OKAY AND THIS IS WHAT P WOULD WANT FOR US.
HIS CHILDREN TOO ARE MOVING ON AND GROWING UP. I AM TOLD THAT HIS SON WILL BE ENTERING THE NAVY IN MAY. GOOD FOR YOU D! THIS IS WHAT WE WANTED FOR YOU. THIS IS WHAT I TRIED SO HARD TO INSTILL IN YOU. TO FIND THE BEST IN YOURSELF AND GO FOR IT! YOU HATED ME FOR THIS. MAYBE YOU STILL DO AND I'M SORRY, BUT IF IN THE END YOU DO AS WE SO WANTED FOR YOU, THEN IT'S OKAY. YOUR DAD KNOWS THIS IS ALL I WANTED FOR YOU, D. "THE BEST"! I WISH YOU THE WORLD D. I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU AND ALWAYS WILL.
M? SHE IS GETTING SO BIG. I CAN'T SAY ENOUGH ABOUT HER. SHE'S BLONDE AND BEAUTIFUL AND I AM SO PROUD OF HER! I HOPE SHE ALWAYS KNOWS THE LOVE HER FATHER FELT FOR HER AND THE LOVE WE, THE GIRLS AND I, WILL ALWAYS HOLD FOR HER. ALWAYS.
BUT MY LIFE HAS MOVED ON. MOVED ON TO MORE BEAUTY THAN I COULD EVER HAVE ASK FOR. THE LOVE OF A MAN THAT IS SO PURE. SO KIND. SO WONDERFUL! SO EVERYTHING MORE THAN I EVER COULD HAVE DREAMED OF HAVING! (SIGH, "LANCE")
I'M INDULGED IN THIS MAN. IN OUR LIFE. IN OUR FUTURE. IN OUR FAMILY. IN THE SENSE OF EVERYTHING THIS MAN OFFERS ME DAILY!
LIFE IS EQUAL WITH HIM. SO NATURAL. (LOL) SOMETIMES WE CAN'T REACH EACH OTHER BY PHONE, BECAUSE OUR CALLS ARE CONNECTING TO ONE ANOTHER AT THE SAME TIME! WE ARE IN SYNC. WE, TOGETHER, ARE WONDERFUL...
THANK YOU LORD. THANK YOU FOR THIS LIFE YOU HAVE GIVEN ME AND THE STRENGTH AND GUIDANCE IT HAS TAKEN TO GET ME HERE... THANK YOU.
THAT IS WHAT I WANTED TO SAY A THOUSAND TIMES OVER, BUT DIDN'T. NOT UNTIL LANCE.
I'M NOT READY TO GO THERE, TO TALK OF LANCE, NOT YET. THESE OTHER THOUGHTS CAN BE DARK AND WHEN I SEE HIM. I SEE WHITE. PURITY. NEVER WILL I LET THE DARKNESS REACH HIM.
HIS, MY LOST MAN'S, FAMILY COMPLETELY OSTRACIZED ME. I HAD GREAT DIFFICULTY WITH THAT. I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY AND STILL DON'T, AND FOR A LONG TIME I THOUGHT IT WAS HORRIBLE, BUT I DON'T ANYMORE. NOW, I SAY THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME TO HEAL SO MUCH FASTER. THANK YOU FOR SHOWING ME THAT I AM A GOOD, HONEST PERSON. A PERSON TO BE RESPECTED AND LOVED. (THIS IS WHY P LOVED ME.) A PERSON THAT WHEN FACED WITH "THE CENTERPOINT" "THE TIME OF CHOOSING" I WILL CHOOSE THE RIGHT ROAD, THE GOOD ROAD. I WILL CHOOSE TO SURRROUND MYSELF AND MY GIRLS WITH THE GOOD PEOPLE. THE PEOPLE THAT LOVE AND RESPECT US AND WILL DO ANYTHING TO HELP US, WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN. IT IS THESE PEOPLE THAT WILL SMILE AND WISH ME WELL, SAY A SMALL PRAYER FOR THE GIRLS AND I AND KNOW THAT IT IS TIME FOR US TO MOVE ON. THAT THIS IS OKAY AND THIS IS WHAT P WOULD WANT FOR US.
HIS CHILDREN TOO ARE MOVING ON AND GROWING UP. I AM TOLD THAT HIS SON WILL BE ENTERING THE NAVY IN MAY. GOOD FOR YOU D! THIS IS WHAT WE WANTED FOR YOU. THIS IS WHAT I TRIED SO HARD TO INSTILL IN YOU. TO FIND THE BEST IN YOURSELF AND GO FOR IT! YOU HATED ME FOR THIS. MAYBE YOU STILL DO AND I'M SORRY, BUT IF IN THE END YOU DO AS WE SO WANTED FOR YOU, THEN IT'S OKAY. YOUR DAD KNOWS THIS IS ALL I WANTED FOR YOU, D. "THE BEST"! I WISH YOU THE WORLD D. I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU AND ALWAYS WILL.
M? SHE IS GETTING SO BIG. I CAN'T SAY ENOUGH ABOUT HER. SHE'S BLONDE AND BEAUTIFUL AND I AM SO PROUD OF HER! I HOPE SHE ALWAYS KNOWS THE LOVE HER FATHER FELT FOR HER AND THE LOVE WE, THE GIRLS AND I, WILL ALWAYS HOLD FOR HER. ALWAYS.
BUT MY LIFE HAS MOVED ON. MOVED ON TO MORE BEAUTY THAN I COULD EVER HAVE ASK FOR. THE LOVE OF A MAN THAT IS SO PURE. SO KIND. SO WONDERFUL! SO EVERYTHING MORE THAN I EVER COULD HAVE DREAMED OF HAVING! (SIGH, "LANCE")
I'M INDULGED IN THIS MAN. IN OUR LIFE. IN OUR FUTURE. IN OUR FAMILY. IN THE SENSE OF EVERYTHING THIS MAN OFFERS ME DAILY!
LIFE IS EQUAL WITH HIM. SO NATURAL. (LOL) SOMETIMES WE CAN'T REACH EACH OTHER BY PHONE, BECAUSE OUR CALLS ARE CONNECTING TO ONE ANOTHER AT THE SAME TIME! WE ARE IN SYNC. WE, TOGETHER, ARE WONDERFUL...
THANK YOU LORD. THANK YOU FOR THIS LIFE YOU HAVE GIVEN ME AND THE STRENGTH AND GUIDANCE IT HAS TAKEN TO GET ME HERE... THANK YOU.
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