Damaged Fortress

I have created a fortress around myself over the past few years. I try not to look at the past. It hurts too much.

It's like I have been kicked in the stomach. A rock came crashing through one of my walls last night and I have been running around gathering clay and straw and water and everything else I can find to repair the damage. My problem is, as hard as I am working to fix it, I can still see out of the opening. I don't want to! It hurts to see outside! Please stop! I don't want to know what happened! I can't go there! I can't. (Head hanging low)

I will never understand. Never. The why's, the how-could-you's. Everything was taken from us.

My life has been rebuild. My life is wonderful. I have a man that loves me more than anything in this whole world!

I want to beg of him to help me repair this hole! (My stomach hurts. I cannot sleep at night. The pain is seeping in.) But I can't. I can't hurt him. (I can't talk about it.) I can't let anyone else hurt him either! I will do everything to protect him and our children!

So instead I will struggle. I will pray and I will get this hole repaired - by myself. Head up. Shoulders back. Biceps straining with the load. But it's working and I will!

My love is never ending. My strength transferred. He is our blessing from God and I shall forever be grateful. Please give me strength...